Human Being vs. Human Doing

When we first meet someone, our tendency is to ask, "What do you do?" which is code for "What do you do for a living?" This is often used as an opener with new acquaintances as we look for something in common to build a conversation around, with "for a living" implied since work is usually something we all have in common, whether that work is inside or outside the home. In early times, I suppose that the primary answer was either "I hunt" or "I gather."

Sidebar: Oddly, “for a living” really means “for work.” This reaffirms a culture where some of us have gotten stuck (for years) living to work rather than working to live; and we’ve done it to ourselves.

Beyond pleasant conversation and a steroid-like fear of deafeningly awkward silences, we may be trying to find out what they do in order to figure out who they are – likes, dislikes, interests, disinterests, and of course values, the principles that guide them and their actions. From that understanding, we can get to know them and possibly develop meaningful friendships, work relationships, etc.

However, finding out who other people are may allow (insert force) us to focus on who we are, rather than what we do (for a living). Having been to a few recent retirement celebrations, I can see how it might be really scary to think about answering the “What do you do?” question. Answer: “I am retired.” Follow up question: “And?” Answer: “Well, I like to garden.” Question: “And?” Answer: “I like to read?” The answerer begins to question. “Who am I?”

With so much emphasis on what we do (for a living) and our need to provide (to make a living) for ourselves and our families, who we are can get lost (for years)…sometimes even until we retire…not knowing ourselves, or our families. That may be too late.

Get to know yourself. Get to know your family. So that when that glorious day comes, you will already be comfortable as a human being, not just a human doing.