Integration and a Balanced Life

Faced with daily reminders about the need for a balanced life (presumably home and work), it’s easy to dismiss the concept since it is rather nebulous – balance shmalance! What does having a balanced life mean anyway? Being a “recovering dismisser” of the value of a balanced life, defining what it means has helped my understanding – for me this is a goal as I am not yet fully recovered.

I have begun to think about a balanced life as one of integration. This paints a picture of combining disconnected parts into a whole, rather than thinking of home and work on different ends of a scale, separate and distinct, competing with each other. The scales picture actually reinforces separateness and therefore an imbalance; conversely, pulling disparate pieces together into an integrated whole helps me begin to “get it.”

Those of us that have struggled balancing home and work often get into a mode of what I call “extreme compartmentalization,” creating sometimes vastly different realities at home and work. One school of thought is that compartmentalization is a gender-specific talent (insert trait). Considering men and women as hunters and gatherers, hunters focus in on their targets individually, one at a time, where gatherers…well, gather…pull together…integrate. Regardless of gender, while compartmentalization may have its place, finding balance may not be one of them.

So how do we initiate a program (insert life) of integration rather than compartmentalization? I believe we must embrace the idea that we bring our whole selves (home and work) to work everyday and then return home with our whole selves (home and work) every night. However, this doesn’t mean we have personal phone calls all day at work or that we “Blackberry” all night at home. If we understand and appreciate that concept, we allow ourselves to be the same whole integrated person wherever we are – we have integrity.

Dictionary.com defines integrity as “the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.” As Lou Tice described integrity in a recent installment of his Winner’s Circle Network newsletter, “Throughout history, every great philosopher and religious leader has tried to teach us the same lesson - the principle that integrity, or wholeness, is the natural order of things.”

So rather than think of our lives with competing scales that tip one direction or the other, consider integrating ourselves and our lives so that we give ourselves permission to be our whole, integrated, authentic selves, all day, everyday, everywhere. Perhaps then we will feel our “natural order” and our lives won’t seem out of balance.

Why Pop Culture Matters

Why do leaders need to be concerned with pop culture? Well, with reality TV taking over the airways and airwaves, and shows like “American Idol” and “The Great Race” becoming the most watched television shows in history, it is clear that the language of the masses is more experiential than intellectual. Without deliberating on the value of reality TV or television, let’s instead think of it as one vehicle for the exchange of pop culture.

Wikipedia describes pop(ular) culture as consisting of “widespread cultural elements in any given society…perpetuated through that society's vernacular language…. It can include any number of practices, including those pertaining to cooking, clothing, consumption, mass media and the many facets of entertainment such as sports and literature.” Wikipedia goes on to contrast pop culture with “a more exclusive, even elitist ‘high culture’” – I think even the elite (whoever they are) participate in and generate a little pop culture every now and then. Pop culture comes from everywhere and anywhere, includes everything and anything, and applies to everybody and anybody.

Restating the question, why do we have to care about those things that aren’t delineated in someone’s job description or performance expectations or that somehow don’t relate directly to the workplace? Wikipedia states that pop culture “…comprises the daily interactions, needs and desires and cultural 'moments' that make up the everyday lives of the mainstream” – or more bluntly, it’s where people “live.” So if you want to relate to people, to “the masses,” then you need to understand them. While it is traditional and cliché to say that people shouldn’t bring their personal problems to work, they do bring their personal selves to work – even people that pride themselves in being private, bring that private person to work with them…everyday.

So, understanding that both Oscar de la Hoya and Rocky Balboa are still boxing, that Survivor was just in Fiji, that Nelly is not the girl from “Little House on the Prairie,” that NASCAR, “Pimp My Ride,” and “Trick My Truck” all have to do with spending a lot of money on cars, that there are desperate housewives on Wisteria Lane and in Orange County, California, and that somehow ringtones are a gauge for our relationships with friends and family, are all important to how we communicate and ultimately how effective we are in the workplace as leaders. It’s about credibility – these bits and bytes about pop culture do matter. Finally, pop culture has potentially great societal benefit. Since it originates from various individual groups (let's say sub-cultures) that are based on race, gender, generation, or whatever else, the universal nature of pop culture can help transcend boundaries and build bridges across sub-cultures and seemingly disparate groups. That’s a good thing.

My advice – check those ringtones. If you don’t know what they are, find out.

Got Trust?

Trust seems to be one of those things that we know when we have it (or don’t have it), but we may not know how we got it (or how to get it). Let me suggest that the focal point of trust is the sharing of information. Whether and how we share information is the foundation for building trust and trusting relationships. Building trust is a step-wise function – it happens in steps, one at a time. Someone must be willing to, as Martin Luther King said, “take the first step in faith” (by sharing information). Then perhaps the most critical part of building trust takes place – another person recognizes that a step has been taken and then takes another step (by sharing information). Lather, rinse, repeat.

Slowly at first, step by step, we move toward each other as we see what the other person has done with the information we have shared. Sometimes this might come in the form of compromise, meeting in the middle, developing a shared understanding, or even agreeing to disagree. Whatever we call it, it is a person-to-person activity that results in a person-to-person relationship, good or bad, and our next interaction (today or tomorrow’s) and what we say or do will make the relationship better or worse. Relationships, situations, and circumstances, good or bad, seldom remain unchanged by our communications with others – they grow – closer, or further apart.

We know from our Finance and Administrative Services Values Statement that one of our core values is Trust – “we communicate honestly, share information, and follow through on our commitments.” Recall that our core values “define who we are and how we do business, guide our actions, and set our direction.”

In our FAS Leadership Culture, we further describe the elements of Trust that are the foundation of our culture and affirm our future:
Be forthcoming with information and engage in honest conversations
Foster trust and engagement through effective and timely communication that articulates a focus on the future
Embrace constructive criticism; disarm negative criticism and gossip; know the difference
Treat all information with integrity, especially information that relates to employees or those topics that could be politically sensitive
Share pertinent information and observations with colleagues at all levels in all divisions, and avoid surprises

We can see that how we share information is vital to building trust – we must do so honestly, timely, constructively, and with integrity in a future focused manner, regardless of someone’s position or role. While we might think that holding onto information gives us power and influence, the truth is quite the opposite – information has no power, or influence, or even value until we give it away. Most importantly and inspiringly, we have opportunities to do this well every single day.

So, take the opportunity, go ahead and reach out, take that first step toward someone – and do it today.

Fifty is the New Thirty

First, let me thank my family, friends, and colleagues for helping me celebrate thoroughly thriving through the half-century mark. My “Fifty is the New Thirty” breakfast sponsored by my VPFAS office mates was a bit overwhelming, with over 100 people jammed into the conference room, lobby, and hallway (at once, I might add). The special impromptu rendition of “Happy Birthday Mr. Vice President” by someone actually named Marilyn left me red-faced and speechless – well, actually frightened. Nonetheless, I can’t not remember it for the whole of my next fifty years. Click here for the pictures.

Sidebar: Occasionally I like double negatives because they disaffirm the more subtle negative condition rather than affirm the obvious positive condition.

When asked about the most significant lessons learned to date, my reflection and response have been focused in two areas – the importance of communication and understanding to having healthy relationships (personal and professional) and the imperative of good physical and mental health for the stamina required by a full and engaged life (personal and professional). The funny thing is that at this point, I am working on communication, understanding, physical well-being, and mental health more than ever – not just because I need to, but because I want to and I choose to.

“Fifty is the New Thirty” is all about attitude and energy – what it’s not about is the past and wanting a “do over” – what it is about is the present and the future and wanting a “do well.” I certainly would not want to be thirty again, without the knowledge gained or the experiences lived in the last twenty years (or the last six months for that matter). While the past informs us as we learn about ourselves (individually or organizationally) and helps us celebrate those things we have done well and how we might do better the next time, the path to the future is through the present. We must work our way through the present to get to the future – the past is in the wrong direction.